Welcome!
I am My Mother’s Daughter. For good or bad (mostly good), the older I get, the more I am exactly like my Mom, particularly now that I am a mom myself. Therefore, to get a sense of who I am, I should tell you a bit about who my Mom was.
The number one quality my Mom possessed, as anyone would tell you, was limitless generosity. She kept nothing for herself and gave everything she had to her family, friends, even strangers. This included money, possessions, and every ounce of energy she had. I remember she called me one day to thank me for the cell phone I gave her (and paid the monthly bill on) because she was able to use it for the first and only time to lend it to a person on the side of the road who was stranded, before she gave this complete stranger a ride home. When she passed away, I heard stories about the groceries she bought people and all the loans she had made over the years. I realize now that everything she did was really for her kids. When she helped a stranger, she was doing it hoping that if one of her kids ever needed help, karmic power would send a good samaritan their way.
My Mom grew up very poor. Her father passed away when she was young and she and her mom found themselves on government assistance at times. I remember her nodding her head in agreement when Roberto Benigni, in accepting his Oscar for “Life is Beautiful”, thanked his parents for the gift of poverty. My Mom’s experience with poverty was ultimately a gift to me as well. She taught me to be thrifty, resourceful, not to “sweat the small stuff”, to “make the best of everything”, and to not be materialistic.
She could stretch a dollar like nobody’s business. She raised a family of four on very little, but somehow, we never really wanted for anything. We rarely wore name brands, unless they were found in an “imperfect” bin at a factory or outlet. We got our hair done at beauty schools. She shopped at thrift shops, garage sales, and discount stores. And she LOVED to shop! Not for herself. She would just pick up things that reminded her of others and then you’d get a big care package that it cost her more to ship than the contents combined. When my first child was born, I quickly learned I needed a baby carrier. I didn’t have time to shop anymore. My Mom hunted all the resale shops and within a week she sent me the baby sling she found for $1. For $1, she gave me back the use of both arms. While, I am not the queen of thrift stores or garage sales, I do have a very hard time paying full price for anything and I feel compelled to get the most for my money at all times which can include recycling and upcycling anything.
The money my Mom would save by cutting whatever corners she could went to experiences. Dining out, girl scouts, gymnastics, summer camp, movies, school trips to Boston, DC, Quebec, the Bahamas, and family vacations all over the east coast. And then she’d wonder where I got the travel bug from! She’d scour the newspapers for free and cheap things to do on the weekends. She’d write to commerce bureau’s for free brochure’s and giant manila envelopes would arrive with tons of ideas and places to see. My subscriptions to endless online newsletters isn’t much different, nor my compulsion to see and do it all.
She had endless energy when it came to doing stuff also. Even though she worked overnights, she’d come home ready to treat me to breakfast somewhere or check out someplace new. She was truly full of life. She loved to dance and have fun. She didn’t worry so much about what furniture she had or what her house looked like. She let us make messes and spread our toys out all over the place. On more than one occasion she would start a water fight or a food fight in the kitchen. One time, when I was on a business trip in New York, she came to stay in my hotel with me. While we were walking back to the hotel after dinner we passed a beautiful garden wedding. She wanted to crash it, but I wouldn’t let her. Now I find myself often iterating the words she said to my kids when they don’t support my antics. “Don’t be such a stick in the mud. What do you have to lose?”
My dad did not prioritize home repairs/improvements, so she would do it herself (with a little help from me.) We re-did her bathroom together, installed new light fixures, somehow or another she removed and installed a new clothes dryer by disassembling and reassembling them to get them up and down the basement stairs. She was incredibly resourceful. You could bring her any problem and she would MacGyver a solution. My first studio apartment had a leaky kitchen faucet that would keep me up at night. When my Mom came to visit she tied a piece of yarn around it. The water would run down the yarn and voila, no more dripping sound. She always had a trick up her sleeve. Whenever I pull one from her playbook today, its like a gift from the beyond.
Lastly, my Mom was ever inclusive. She had so many friends from different parts of her life and she’d always bring them together. After she passed some of them would tell me they never saw each other anymore because “Alice was the glue”. If she were taking you out to lunch and you were with other people, she’d invite everyone. Not to mention she’d usually treat. For most of my life I was somewhat of a loner. I met my husband young and we moved to California and it was just him and I for a long time. Most of my high school and college friends were back on the east coast. I also never really like hanging out in groups unless I was close with everyone. I was not good at meeting new people. I don’t know if it was motherhood, or the need to fill a void, or if my Mom somehow possessed me in some way, but I’ve come to share her “the more the merrier” mentality. I’ve joined book clubs, neighborhood groups, and find myself a part of a little mom village in the big city.
As I have taken all that I inherited from my Mom, to enjoy raising my kids in the city of Chicago without spending a fortune, to continue to travel the world with my family, and to explore a social life beyond kids, I have found my discoveries worth sharing.
I dedicate this blog to my Mother, Alice Folz, and I hope that her gifts will continue to touch more lives.